


A Malfoy Shaped Problem

by Ariss_Tenoh



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, M/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-02-09
Updated: 2007-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-27 06:37:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9980765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ariss_Tenoh/pseuds/Ariss_Tenoh
Summary: Nothing is easy in Harry's life. Especially not his love life.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

  
**A Malfoy Shaped Problem**  
By Ariss Tenoh

Oh god but this was a disaster. How was he going to explain this to himself or even to his friends?

 

Harry sat on the edge of the bed and held his shirt in his hands. It had started in a relatively harmless way. Relatively because he never met Draco Malfoy without some kind of verbal or magical sniping erupting between them. He'd been walking in Diagon Alley when a hand shot out of a side alley and yanked him into it. The hand belonged to one Draco Malfoy who snarled in his face.....

 

_"Potter, what's the meaning of this?"_

_He waved a copy of the Prophet in Harry's face. The words on the front page were flashing in bridal white and gold letters, in capital letters too: HARRY POTTER'S BETROTHAL!. Or so they proclaimed._

_"Malfoy, can't you read? I'm getting married."_

_"You're not getting married to that Weasely girl. Don't you have any standards at all?!"_

_"I.. what.. Malfoy, what do you care who I marry?"_

_A huff and a firm hand fell on Harry's arm._

_"I think you need to reconsider." And with that he dragged Harry off._

 

At the time, Harry'd been too surprised to shrug off Malfoy's grip. Then they headed to a seedier part of town and Malfoy dragged him into a small inn and threw coins at the inn keeper before hauling Harry upstairs to a room.

 

Now Harry should have started shouting or pushed Malfoy off at this point. He was about to do that. Really. When Malfoy pushed him into a room, slammed the door behind him, and kissed him senseless.

 

That pretty much ended it. Or started it.

 

Harry buried his face in his hands and groaned. Ron was going to kill him while Hermione.... Hermione would nod thoughtfully and say 'I told you so, Harry.' She hadn't been very enthusiastic about him seeing Ginny after the war ended and even less when he told her about asking Ginny to marry him. What Hermione would say about Malfoy though was not something Harry wanted to think about.

 

The bathroom's door opened and steam wafted out along with a naked Draco Malfoy holding a towel and drying his hair.

 

Harry blushed and turned away.

 

"We've had sex Potter. You can look at me if you want, you idiot." Malfoy crossed the room to put on his clothes.

 

Harry glared at him. "What was that about?"

 

"What?" 

 

Harry waved a hand at the room. "This!"

 

Draco smoothed his black robes; its silver embroidery seemed to wink obscenely at Harry.

 

"Since you can't find a decent woman to marry, I thought to introduce you to the joys of gay sex." Draco's voice was perfectly matter-of-fact.

 

Harry gaped. "The what?"

 

Malfoy brushed back his hair and turned from the wall mirror to look at the dishevelled Harry.

 

"You're going to break off your engagement to _Miss_ Weasely," he sneered and went on before Harry could interrupt, "Or I tell her about our little liaison tonight."

 

"You can't do that!" Harry stood up and wished he'd put his clothes on. It was hard to appear intimidating when you were naked.

 

"Not at all. I can do whatever I like Potter and you'd best know it." he said in the same obnoxious, arrogant way of his school years.

 

"What if I don't?" Harry challenged him. "I could just knock you down here and now."

 

Malfoy smiled very sweetly. "You could and then I'd file charges against you and Veritaserum would come in. It would become quite ugly, don't you agree _Harry_?"

 

"Don't call me that!" Harry took another step toward Malfoy.

 

"Break it off with that girl and I shan't tell a soul." Malfoy reached into his robes and took out an ornate golden key. "As a reward for keeping your secret, I want you to come to the Manor in a week. That's a portkey if you were wondering." He pressed the key into Harry's hands.

 

Harry took a deep breath. "Malfoy, are you _blackmailing_ me?" The infuriating, shameless, evil, son of a..

 

Malfoy smiled and darted a quick kiss on Harry's cheek. Harry flinched and took half a step back.

 

"Of course." He swept up his cloak. "One week, Potter. I want to see the news in the papers. The portkey will activate on its own. Don't keep me waiting." And with that parting shot, he swept out of the room.

 

Silence was absolute.

 

How did he find himself standing in a shabby room in some nameless inn after having shagged his arch nemesis? Harry looked around the room as if for help. Except there wasn't any. The war was over and he'd survived. He had thought that would be the biggest worry of his life. Marrying Ginny just seemed the logical thing to do. Her family adored him and she always said she'd wait for him. It seemed so simple. No fuss really.

 

That was probably why Hermione frowned on the whole engagement, Harry realised.

 

He sighed. The key was heavy and his hand was sweating.

 

He was going to have to break it off somehow. If he didn't, Malfoy would no doubt not only hurt Ginny and her family by telling them about this _thing_ but probably lie and say he was the wronged party. The unacknowledged lover or some such rubbish. Malfoy had a fine sense of melodrama when he wanted to employ it.

 

Harry dressed and performed a spell on the room. Leaving everything clean and spotless, nothing to betray what had occurred.

 

As he left the room via the stairs and out of the inn's back door, he didn't allow himself to wonder why he didn't just punch Malfoy before they'd reached the inn. Or why the sex had been.... interesting.

 

 

~ End ~


End file.
